Yesterday I was talking to my oldest daughter, Adriane. She made a comment, “Wow mom, you’re becoming quite the cook, what changed?” Now, you have to understand it was a known fact in our family that mom doesn’t like to cook! And I didn’t. But she’s right something did change and I’d like to share with you what. I ran across a sermon from Joyce Meyers about breaking inner vows we make. It was a teaching I had never heard of and it was one that changed my life. I wish I could find that teaching again on CD but right now I can’t so your going to get the paraphrased version from my experience.
Joyce was teaching that we need to be careful about saying things like, “I never will”, “I will always” or “I must”, Let me take you back to where I made a vow, that I will NEVER and I mean NEVER like to cook. My husband and I were married at 16 and 18, I shared a little of that story here and as you can imagine I knew very little about cooking. My mom isn’t known to be a good cook either, (sorry mom 🙂 Now his mom, on the other hand, is an incredible cook and her whole self-esteem came from what she could cook. Jim also worked for a farmer whose wife served a 5-course lunch every day for him. SO… can you see a HUGE problem setting itself up? I knew nothing about cooking and when I tried to make something all I received was criticism. Meal times became a HUGE source of conflict in our early marriage. I remember one day screaming at him I will NEVER and I mean NEVER like to cook, I’ll show you, buddy! And guess what? I NEVER liked to cook. Over the years I would try and try to like it and I never did until I heard this teaching.
In the teaching, she shared the importance of breaking those inner vows because they held a hold on us. She said ask Jesus if you have made any vows that have a negative hold on you. I did and guess what vow was the first to pop into my mind? Yep, the I will NEVER and I mean NEVER like to cook vow. She said to take that vow to the cross and ask Jesus to break it and I did and I guess it’s becoming a noticeable thing since Adriane brought that up.
That’s one example of an inner vow and the negative consequences of that vow. Especially since my love language is words of affirmation and his is acts of service. The more he criticized the less service he saw coming from me and the more I shut down.
I will never…… be poor, marry a man like my father, trust a _____, like sex, depend on others, give in, trust again, be taken advantage of… like school