I’m not sure how I can go through an INTENSE trial of hearing that my son was in a terrible snowmobile accident and was flown to a hospital and then see my son hooked up to life support and have an intense PEACE. (Phil. 4:6-7). I did not have intense peace on the 3 1/2 hour ride down to the hospital but from the moment I walked into the hospital and talked with the doctor I knew that God had this, that Andrew would be fine. I have no idea how he would be fine it sure didn’t “look” that way. The numbers didn’t match that. He had a very low Glasgow Coma Scale . He shouldn’t have been alright. But I knew deep in my heart of hearts he would be.(Heb. 11:1,) Now I won’t lie and say it was a piece of cake or that I didn’t have moments of doubt to work through but overall we had an INTENSE PEACE that Drew would be fine. I shared how on day two I was given a scripture- Ps. 41:3 to hang on to and I hung on to that and still do to this day. We realize that Drew is a miracle and I think that each day that goes by and the more we learn, the more we realize what a miracle he is.
I do have to share with you what happened when we came home. I was NOT prepared for stepping back into the real world. Now as much as a miracle Drew was, we still had the fact that we had doctor appointments and therapy appointments and surgeon appointments and surgery, then add on the fact that Drew has two 15 year old brothers whose life hadn’t stopped. We had homework and track meets and they really wanted food and clean clothes and some love too. It also didn’t help that when we got home my whole upstairs was sitting in my living room. We had hard wood floors put in while we were in Florida. (That was planned long before Drew’s accident) I feel like I had survived the hospital/ rehab wonderfully and then came home and was taken out by real life.
PEACE IS MY CONTINUAL GIFT TO YOU. It flows abundantly from My throne of grace. Just as the Israelites could not store up manna for the future but had to gather it daily, so it is with My Peace. The day-by-day collecting of manna kept My people aware of their dependence on Me. Similarly, I give you sufficient Peace for the present, when you come to me by prayer and petition with thanksgiving. If I gave you permanent Peace, independent of My Presence, you might fall into the trap of self-sufficiency. May that never be! I have designed you to need Me moment by moment. As your awareness of your neediness increases, so does your realization of My abundant sufficiency. I can meet every one of your needs without draining My resources at all. Approach My throne of grace with bold confidence, receiving My Peace with a thankful heart. Exodus 16:15-20 Phil.4:6-7.19 Heb. 4:16
Young, Sarah (2004-10-12). Jesus Calling – Deluxe Edition: Enjoying Peace in His Presence (p. 114). Thomas Nelson. Kindle Edition.
Back home I started walking in self sufficiency. I didn’t gather my manna every morning by asking God for help, for strength, for peace. Side note: when there is a huge overwhelming trial, we can’t do that in our own strength, we have to rely on God. (I suppose we don’t have to rely on him, we could rely on other things). I saw that in the every day life, I go about my way, not inviting God into my hard things. God wants to be involved in every aspect of my every day life. Not just the intense trials.
I also need to share with you a lie that popped up a couple days from Drew’s jaw surgery. It’s an old, old lie that has been used in my life for years. “Can God really be trusted?” “Does He have my best interest at heart?” “Is He really for me??” Now, hadn’t God just performed a modern day miracle with my son and spared him from most of the damage of a TBI? He sure did! We truly believe it, BUT when it came time for surgery I had this nagging thought, “would God be there for Drew?” Why in the world would I think He wouldn’t be? I saw what he’d done for us.
But I heard the lie,”God was there so miraculously for Drew but you’ve used up all you blessings for the year”. It was almost like my insurance had run out. I had used up all that was available. We were on our own. God’s hand was off this surgery. Now in my mind I’m focusing on how dangerous it is for brain patients to go under and numerous other anxious thoughts.. Fear got in and I had a few days of fighting with anxiety even after I had witnessed such a powerful miracle. I could go into shame and beat myself up for feeling the way I did but I’m looking at this situation differently. I’m thanking God for bringing the lie to the surface so we can pluck that lie out and replace it with the truth. I do have to say that God was right there too with words of truth & encouragement: “My mercies are new every morning” Lam. 3:22,23 and he’d remind me of Ps. 41:3, “I will restore Drew to full health”. On the morning of the surgery a girl friend who I had not talked to texted me, the scripture “God’s mercies are new every morning”. I knew God had this surgery too!! I am happy to share that God answered every single one of our prayers for this surgery. His jaw didn’t need to be wired shut, he had no infections and very, very little pain. Again, God comes through! I believe Lord, help my unbelief. Mark 9:24
I’ve heard all through this trial “Barb your family is so strong, I wish I could be that strong”. We aren’t anything special and you can be strong too! We are just a family learning to trust the one who saves us. Not just eternally, which is enough, but He saves us every single day in lots of big and little ways. We are also a family who is learning that God’s mercies are new every single day, all day long. That mercy isn’t just for a special few. It’s for anyone who is willing to take it and we don’t have to do it perfectly!
If you aren’t familiar with what happened with Drew you can read about it here.
You can also read about my God kisses here and snag this free printable.